“My son! My son! Oh, my son!” That’s the running joke in our family lately. You see, my husband has a very large Italian-American family with lots and lots of cousins. Out of his generation, he was the baby and, being that he’s the youngest, we are now late to the party of child production. But here’s the thing – all of said cousins, at least all the ones that carry his last name, were all blessed with beautiful girls, including us – a total of 10! Don’t get me wrong, we absolutely adore our girls Milana, 7, and Siena, 2, but deep down I always knew my husband felt the pressure of being the one to carry the torch of his family name. Silly, yes, but I guess guys do tend to think of these things. My husband was always a hopeless romantic so I imagine he felt some sort of pride in actually being the one to produce a male “heir.”
Low and behold, we finally did it and on June 17, 2021, we welcomed Alexander Anthony into the world, weighing 7lbs, 9.3oz and measuring 21.5” long. There he was, the carrier of the torch. Henry VIII had his heir and I was no longer Ann Boleyn.
We introduced Alex to our girls over Facetime, since no visitors were allowed at the hospital. Milana was definitely a little apprehensive about looking at him. She was a bit older now than when we brought Siena home so I think she had to take a bit more time to process the whole thing. Siena, on the other hand, acted as if he were a new doll that we were bringing home. Even having been home for a little while now, I think they are still getting used to the idea of having someone else around. To be honest, so are we.
But to my girls…to my long-haired, long-legged, big-eyed Milana, and my cutie-pie, feisty and adventurous Siena with the Shirley Temple curls: I write these words now in the hopes that one day you can look back and get to know me a little better, beyond the disciplinarian I may have turned out to be, beyond the worrying yet doting mom that I know I’ll be. There are things now that I hope for us three to become. Yes, we are a family of five, and Mommy and Daddy love you all equally very much – that is without question. But you are my girls, and there are things that only we will understand as you and I get older and grow together as a family. Don’t worry about the boys – something tells me they’ll have their own thing going on some point too. But, if there is any advice I may dare to impose upon you now, let it be the following:
Be Kind
One of the toughest realities you will learn growing up is that not everyone is a good person. But you must be – I require it. Goodness and kindness will always disarm bad intentions. There will be those that will recognize your kindness and mistake it for weakness. Mistake it they may, but you must know better. Which brings me to…
Trust, But Verify
There will be very few people in life that you will be able to blindly trust, although Mommy, Daddy and your siblings will always be among them. Always try to find the good in a person, but if it takes too long to find it, think again.
Be Generous
No matter how much or how little you have, there will always be someone who has less and may need your help. Give generously, give thoughtfully. Always tip well, whether the service was good or bad. I promise you that these gestures will not go unnoticed and will always come back to you many times over.
Cook Well
Daddy tells me stories about how he was making cheese omelets at the age of 7 while standing on a milk box in his parents’ kitchen. Only a couple of years later he’d be in charge of making family dinners a couple times a week. Now, he’s a special case, but you must learn how to cook – to cook for yourself, a few friends, and a get-together of 25 people or more. It doesn’t have to be fancy – most times the best dishes aren’t. Keep it simple, but keep it quality.
Don’t Marry Early
There may be certain pressures, whether intended or not, in this world that would lead you to believe you need to get married as soon as possible. This is simply untrue. Your most important goal in your formative years is to find out who YOU are. Believe me, you will be a different person at 25 as opposed to 20, yet an entirely different person at 30. This is life – enjoy the ride.
Respect Your Elders
As I write this, this is a virtue that has been all but forgotten. But you, my sweet daughters, will not forget this. Always, and I mean always, respect those that have come before you, your elders, both in your family and in society. Their age carries wisdom and life experience. Respect the paths they’ve been down, for one day you may be down a similar one.
Honor Your Body
Educate yourself about nutrition and live a healthy lifestyle. Don’t eat meat, if only to appease your Mommy. You can be sure I’ll be telling you why as you grow older. If there is only one thing you have complete control over in this life, it is your body. Only fuel it with the highest quality ingredients and make exercise and meditation important parts of your lives.
Know How to Fight
As I write this, Milana, you just finished your third month of Taekwondo and, so far, love it. We’ve already seen so many changes in you in that short amount of time and can only hope you continue to grow on your journey. You can bet Siena is ready to jump on the mats with you when she’s old enough. But knowing how to fight with your head is more important than anything. You both, after all, will be women one day and will face unique challenges of your own. Be strong, be calculated, be persistent.
Travel Always
The first thing we did for the both of you after bringing you home from the hospital was get you passports. You’re both lucky to be citizens of two countries and soon Daddy will be getting you citizenship to a third. And if there’s one thing that Mommy and Daddy truly enjoy in this world, it’s seeing different parts of it. Go where they don’t speak your language. Eat the dish that seems most foreign or strange to you. Dare to learn another language, or two, or three. Take overnight trains through Europe. Visit your relatives in the far reaches of Russia. Discover new relatives by searching for them in Sicily and Naples. Be a citizen of the world!
My sweet babies, you are the joy of my life, and I hope that I can teach you all of these things before you face the world on your own. I am so blessed to get to love you and be your Mommy. My world is better for having you in it, my loves. Never forget that you are a treasure, a gift, and that you have been called to be a light in this world.
Kisses and hugs, my darlings.